How to become a real leader even if you are not born with leadership qualities

October 28, 2020


Summary: This article is intended for those who are running a business, starting or about to start their own business and for all who are interested in self development. From the article, you will see potential psychological points in terms of leadership and personal growth.



How do we recognise a real leader? What qualities does a real leader possess besides professionalism? We can think about calmness, tolerance, emotional self-control, empathy, authenticity, resilience, ability to delegate tasks, to achieve results and to manage a team, self-confidence, etc. Leaders have been able to move from a self-centered standpoint to harmonious teamwork and to greater success, because a team always achieves more than one person. It is said that there exist naturally born leaders. However, for the great majority among us becoming a leader is a work of many years combined with the help of professional coaches. But what to do if you are at the beginning of your business journey? How to develop leadership qualities at the early stages of a business project? 



How to stop worrying and start developing leadership qualities?


In our quest for leadership qualities we can envy someone who seems to possess them effortlessly or we can take responsibility for our life and start moving towards our goal. To become a charismatic leader, we need to develop a number of qualities. Often people are jealous of others instead of putting efforts into their own personal growth. As a result, their jealousy interferes with their personal growth. 



What are the obstacles which prevent our movement towards the leadership goal?


The list can be endless, we provide the most common points based on our work with our clients:


1. No or little faith in one's abilities, in achieving a result, or faith is not up to the end, there are doubts. In this case we need to work on our self-confidence and confidence that we can achieve anything. There is no need to unwind the negative spiral of “I will not succeed”. What we need instead is a conscious and pragmatic approach in answering the question: What do I need in order to achieve a result?



2. Inability to express our feelings and emotions. Children can allow themselves to get angry. In an adult state, especially at the level of managers, the ability to control our anger, fears, and self-doubts is highly valued. The goal here is to focus on developing mental and emotional maturity that will lead to positive outcomes and beneficial interactions with people.



3. Inability to fully demonstrate our strength. It is really important to know what true strength is and how it manifests itself. Manifestations of such a strength are, for example, the strength of character, fortitude, determination, the ability to make decisions, to rejoice at victory and to learn from defeats, the ability to revise and reconsider some of beliefs and to learn new skills. We can identify our strengths and their manifestations through experience or with the help of training. Special methods exist on strength’s disclosure, awareness and acceptance.



4. Ignorance concerning our true talents. Talent is the ability to show our natural or acquired qualities. Knowing what you can do very well helps a person find his destiny. A person who understands what has been given to him, finds joy, comfort, inner confidence, and harmony. Often, instead of cultivating their talents, people work hard to work out some mistakes.



5. Inability to negotiate and interact with people. Negotiation is a way towards a general consensus, which helps develop an action plan that will lead to a result. In order to reach an agreement in negotiations we need an equal participation of at least two people and their mutual acceptance of common good. The process of negotiations should take place without suppressing someone’s emotions and desires. Otherwise, there is a potential for conflict.



6. Inability to distinguish true goals from false ones and achieve them. The true goal always comes from us. When we implement it or set the task to implement it, we are very motivated, we are on fire. We work towards such a goal with pleasure, joy, and love. A false goal is caused by pressure and is often met by resistance and even depression. For example, it is expected that at a certain age we are supposed to start a family and have children. But, perhaps, someone does not need it but does it through the general expectations or even pressure. As a result, discontent, procrastination and loneliness in the family.



7. Inability to accept opinions different from ours. You can read more here. The process of becoming a formed, grown-up personality also lies in the fact that we learn to see that there are different points of view and they may not coincide with ours. Accepting someone else's point of view without belittling one's own merits and underestimating one's self-esteem is a manifestation of a mature personality who respects oneself and others.



8. Inability to move forward due to high expectations for oneself or others. If a leader has a belief that no one can do a job better than he, - such a belief leads to the fact that the leader is looking for a mini-version of himself as an employee, which is basically impossible. Nobody can cope with our bar if we ourselves do not reach it. We need an objective adjustment of who we are and what we are. We need to know how to interact with others; how to accept our own and their talents; how to respect ourselves and others.



9. Lack of global goals. People often prefer micromanagement to global goals. They are busy with their daily activities, routine, being afraid to leave their comfort zone, to realize their life mission and to direct all their activities to its implementation. Mark Twain once said that the two most important days of our lives are the day when we are born and the day when we understand why.



10. Inability to create a team, to interact with its members, form a zone of influence and to lead a team to a result. There are a few limiting beliefs that prevent the creation of a dream team. We keep thinking: I am capable of doing everything myself! No one can do it better than me! I can't trust anyone! I will teach him, and he will leave! What if this employee is smarter than me? Such limiting beliefs affect the lack of team growth, and sometimes the lack of the team itself. If you want to learn how to become a person of influence, we suggest you to assess your skills.



11. Lack of desire and belief that you deserve more. It blocks your potential and finances. Man deserves the best by birthright. If we believe in this and cultivate this belief, it will bring positive results. If we, on the contrary, convince ourselves that because of someone I am not worthy of something, we’ll block our own growth. “I deserve the best!” should be our guiding phrase.



12. Discomfort about our origin and social status. It is quite common to experience certain feelings of shame, such as: “what will they think of me?” or “what would they think about my parents/relatives?” A person begins to belittle himself, his dignity, compare himself, thinking that someone is better than him. Thus, we lower our self-esteem. One can and should work on self-esteem in order to be a full-fledged person.



13. Dissatisfaction with appearance and body. As a result of the shame and rejection of ourselves, of our bodies, or our shortcomings we develop a complex and the need to prove our worth, our equality with others. We stop feeling that we deserve being ourselves. We do not feel that everything is good in us and that we are sufficient for ourselves and for the world. Accepting ourselves how we are does not mean that we need to be content with the less, particularly if there is potential for growth. We can accept ourselves as we are and continue to do something good for ourselves out of a feeling of self-love.



14. Discomfort about the place of residence. We choose the place of residence ourselves and we should be ashamed of it. There is no need to compare ourselves with others: this leads to a deterioration in self-esteem and sense of self. It is enough to define our true goals: Who are we? What are we? Where do we want to be and what kind of people to be surrounded by? And move in that direction. This does not exclude the possibility that we can learn from others, learn from their experience without falling into self-flagellation and depression.


How to start realizing that success and luck have their own basis. Everyone has a choice: to go with the flow or to define what we really want? What skills, qualities and feelings do we need to work toward our goals? We work with those leaders who are not satisfied with the status quo.



We are approached by leaders who want to work on one or more of the topics outlined above and to prove themselves as true leaders: charismatic and authentic personalities. We are happy to work with those who feel this power in themselves and do not settle for less.



We would also like to hear your opinion. What is, in your opinion, more important: to be a leader or to be perceived as a leader?

“All the world’s a stage,


And all the men and women merely players…”


(W. Shakespeare, As You Like It)


We believe that each and every one of us is not only a leading actor but first and foremost a writer of our own destiny. Overwhelmed by life events, we may unintentionally forget that we are the sole playwrights of our own lives. We may even unwittingly drop or lose the thread of our unfolding life story. Then, we start questioning ourselves and let others do the writing for us. Doesn’t this happen to all of us occasionally? The best thing we can do is to resume the leadership as soon as we can: only we should write the play of our life!  


With the renewed confidence and new skills, we design new perspectives. Coaching and training are the best instruments we use to achieve this goal.


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